


Help me piece it all together, darling.

by elysianblaine



Category: Glee
Genre: Autistic Blaine, Blaine Anderson-centric, Gender Dysphoria, Internal Conflict, M/M, Self-Discovery, blaine is going through it somebody hug them, blaine is non binary, blamtina rights!!!!!!!, enby blaine!!!, kinda only mentioned in passing but they are very much autistic, kurt vs being the most supportive ever, misgendering (kinda), they/them pronouns for blainers, unique is an angel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-30
Updated: 2020-07-30
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:02:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25617052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elysianblaine/pseuds/elysianblaine
Summary: Blaine didn’t want to be he/him or she/her - he just wanted to be Blaine.or; the time when Blaine figured out who they were.
Relationships: Blaine Anderson/Kurt Hummel, blamtina friendship - Relationship
Comments: 3
Kudos: 36





	Help me piece it all together, darling.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tucana](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tucana/gifts).



> hi!!!!! okay so, after reading feedback on my last fic as well as listening to my twitter moots; i have decided to turn my last oneshot into a little series <33 
> 
> once again; this is lil somewhat projecting my experience figuring out i was enby onto Blainers!! mine was slightly different but a lot of the thoughts Blaine has are what mine were too!!
> 
> trigger warning for:  
> \- mentions of dysphoria   
> \- misgendering in a way?? he/him pronouns are used up until Blaine figures out that they are non-binary <3
> 
> thank you all for reading!

_ Who am I? What am I? _

Those 2 thoughts have been the bane of Blaine’s existence over the last few weeks. They weighed him down, he felt trapped by them in a sense. At the minute, it felt like they were controlling him. Looking in the mirror was a strange feeling, staring into a piece of reflective glass and not quite knowing what he was looking at - like it wasn’t him. If he was being honest, these thoughts had plagued him for years. 

From when he was younger, he knew he definitely didn’t really feel like a boy but he also definitely knew he wasn’t really a girl. He didn’t want to be a girl. Of course, when you’re younger, everything is confusing. Being autistic didn’t really help, his dad tried to blame any time he strayed from ‘gender norms’ on his autism, or told him he was acting up. The confusion didn’t hurt as much when he was younger. It hurt a hell of a lot more when he reached about 13. Figuring out your sexuality whilst you still don’t know who you are or what your gender identity is a lot more confusing than anyone really thinks it is. Still, 14 year old Blaine figured out that he liked boys exclusively, and decided it would save him some hassle to just say he was a gay male, despite not knowing if he really was male. If he was honest, he thought that maybe figuring out that he was gay would account for the yearning to be more feminine that he’d felt from an early age. Well, spoiler alert - It hadn’t. Not in the slightest.  In fact, 17 year old Blaine was probably the most confused he’d ever been. He knew he felt a disconnect from his body. He hated how masculine he looked. He hated how people thought they were being progressive when they considered him ‘one of the guys’. When Kurt called him an ‘alpha gay’, that honestly upset him more than the whole Chandler situation. He was pretty sure he felt his heart shatter slightly whenever someone used he/him pronouns. Blaine didn’t want to be he/him or she/her - he just wanted to be Blaine.

After many sleepless nights and enough tears to fill a swimming pool, Blaine found himself searching the internet for answers. 

_ I don’t think i’m a boy _

_ How to know if you’re trans _

_ Can you be both male and female? _

_ Struggling with gender  _

Oh. The last search term came up with so many results, it was hard for Blaine to not feel overwhelmed and close his laptop and further repress these feelings. One result which stood out was ‘Signs Of Gender Dysphoria’. The more he read on this site, the more things began to fall into place a little bit. He didn’t really know there was a name for what he was feeling, he’d heard of dysphoria before from when Unique spoke about it, but he didn’t really think it applied to him since he wasn’t transitioning to become a female or a male. As it turns out, Gender dysphoria simply meant a sense of unease that a person may have because of a mismatch between their biological sex and their gender identity, which is what Blaine was experiencing.

He wanted to hide some physical signs that he was assigned male at birth, he knew he didn’t feel completely male. Whilst this helped give a name to what he was feeling, it still didn’t tell him what he was. In a panic, he messaged the only person he thought could really help him with this.

Blaine:

help

crisis

blaine brain machine broken

Unique <3:

what's up?? are you okay bb <3 

Blaine:

how did you know you were a girl….i am having….thoughts

many thoughts, head full

Unique <3:

oh baby, do you think you could be trans?? I know

this can all be really confusing but i’m here for you x 

Blaine:

idk what i am!!!! i’m not a boy but i’m not a girl

this sucks my head hurts can i please just like...figure this out.

Unique <3:

sweetie!! there’s terms for that!! read up about being 

non-binary!! everything should (hopefully) make a little bit more sense!!

i’m here for you through all of this, you don’t need to know straight away,

this can take as long as you need it to take. 

Blaine:

thank you ilysm <33333

  
  


So Blaine resumed his, what felt like, never ending search into figuring out who or what he was. 

_ Non Binary _

Once again, Blaine felt bombarded by search results. He opened the first result, a site called transequality.org, and hoped this would clear things up a bit. 

**_“non-binary” is one term people use to describe genders that don’t fall into one of these two categories, male or female._ **

Oh my god, Blaine thought, this is it. This is it. The more he read on different sites, the more he felt at ease. This was it. Blaine had found an answer. After reading some more on different sites and a lot more thinking, Blaine had come to the conclusion that using they/them pronouns felt right. It meant that they weren’t male or female - they were just Blaine, and that’s all they had wanted since they were younger. They decided they would start by coming out to only their closest people before being open about how they identified. 

blamtina nation!!!

gay little bastard:

henlo…. so uhhh

please refer to me with they/them pronouns waaaaaa

i have come to conclusion that i am non binary i love u both very much 

i hope this doesn't change anything

white chocolate:

omg

cool

epic okay :D

can i still call u bro or dude...i dont wanna upset u

gay little bastard:

hmmm bro is okay, dude makes me feel kinda uneasy ngl :(

white chocolate:

dw dw i got u bro i got u

ur still my best friend

queen t:

yeah!!! you're still our best friend at the end of the day, pronouns wont change how we see you <333

gay little bastard:

i love u both so much waaaaaa i don’t know what i’d do without u both <333

Blaine:

k, i really really need to tell you something. 

it’s kinda important, but i don’t think i can really?? do it over call or facetime without crying

kurt <333:

Oh god.

That doesn’t sound good. 

Are you okay???

Fuck you haven’t cheated again have you because I swear to god Blaine I will riot

Blaine:

nonononono god no fuck :( it’s kinda hard to say but i’ve come to the conclusion that i’m non-binary. pls use they/them pronouns for me. 

i totally get if you wanna break up w me because of this, i’m sorry

kurt <333:

Why are you apologising???

Pronouns don’t change how I feel about you

As far as I’m concerned, you’re still my Blaine and I still love you just as much as I did before the last text you sent me. 

I’m really glad you’ve figured this out though, angel. Thank you for telling me <3333

Blaine:

you’re my favourite person ever oh my GOD i love you so fucking much!! i’m so glad we have eachother <33

Things didn’t feel so heavy anymore. They had finally pieced everything together, and if things changed in the future - that was okay. For now, all they had to do was be Blaine, because that was good enough.


End file.
